Moment in Life

When it happens, you rarely notice. Most moments in life come and go, never even get our attention. Several hours, days or weeks later you start to realize a certain time in your life has occurred, which you will remember forever, but details have been lost. Today was different.

I was seated at a makeshift bar outside of a small town in Missouri. Next to me a old beat-up portable radio was struggling to play “Barefoot Blue Jean Night” by Jake Owen. It was 103 degrees and a hot breeze, may have cooled it down to 101. The bartender had just pulled the beer from a ice-filled cooler and put it in front of me. I eased that longneck Bud to my lips and let the cool liquid past over my tongue and run down my throat. I suddenly realized that I would remember this experience the rest of my life. The song, the heat and the Bud are now forever burned into my memory.

There was nothing special about it other than the moment itself. I realize that most people, whose opinion I even cared about, would be puzzled at my attraction to this little slice in time. But as you get older those key moments seem to drift further apart. It is nice to realize that I still have unforgettable experiences other than getting up in the morning.

Thumbs Up!

I learned a simple biology lesson this week. How critical a thumb is. Yes, a THUMB!

My thumb was crushed earlier this week when a car door wedged it between a car frame and door. I was my own fault. I was between live shots and I was trying to help a news crew from Bismarck, ND restart their rental car. After the third attempt, the reporter, highly agitated, jumped out of the drivers seat, shut the car door and started swearing. With my poor thumb suddenly trapped, I joined her. But I believe I was louder.!

The damage was done. At first, it really didn’t hurt. That evening I slipped into bed with a small throbbing and awoke with a thumb the size of, well; circumcision wasn’t out of the question.

I was in extreme pain. Thank God, I was once a lefty, or I would have still been sitting on that toilet seat, trying to turn on the shower.

Buckling up my jeans then zipping them up became a labor of pain. I actually had to reach across my car’s steering column with my left hand to start the car. You don’t want to know how I buckled my seatbelt. It was becoming a chore to reach for my cup of morning coffee. To hold anything was a punishment. I started to realize that the thumb and forefinger was the most important digits on the hand.

Then the trip to the Dr’s that evening! 5 Minutes, a few x-rays and $1000 later I found out I was fine. I have no insurance so it is a cash option. I can see why Americans are against Public Health care. Who wants to spend that much money to discover you are fine! Good decision, USA.

I persevered through the morning shows, then painfully waited for the remaining assignments. I was luckily released and instructed to head home. The Aleve and coffee helped me to get home. The Bushmill Irish Whisky and beer helped me once I was home.

My thumb has now diminished to twice the size of my other thumb, I think by the time I am scheduled to work on Monday, I will be fine. I can already gives a thumbs-up then flip some off with no pain. I will loose the fingernail; I just do not know when it will happen. I just have to go with the flow.

The lesson I learned, do not lean on a car with an excitable reporter behind the wheel. And Do Not go to an Emergency Room with no insurance. They double the price!!!!!!!

Job Hunting

Last week, after some contemplation, I decided to put my resume online at monster.com. I have always been cautious about displaying information to countless eyes on the internet. But I rationalized that like “wanted posters” at the post office, lots of people can see them, but very few look.

The next morning, I opened up my email and was delighted to find a large number of job inquiries. Freelancing was to become a memory. A 9 to 5 job, sigh, was just around the corner.

 

I grabbed a cup of coffee, made myself comfortable and started pouring over the emails. I quickly found out that I will have to strengthen my spam filter. The first two emails I opened were impressed with my experience and was a perfect fit to become an “online financial advisor”.

The next group of emails were not that impressed and offered to help edit my resume to maximize efforts to get a job. They must have reconsidered because I also received emails, from the same companies, telling me my about several openings they had as a “contract resume advisor”.  So I could pay them to pay me to write my resume?

After reviewing all the emails spawned by my online resume, I began to realize that I really didn’t need to put up my complete resume; my email address alone qualified me for a large number of diverse jobs. The list was limitless and included an insurance actuary, a fine chef, a loan manager, a senior caretaker and (my favorite) a dance instructor on a cruise ship.

After spending an unproductive hour reading emails, taking my resume offline and reworking my spam filter, I actually found a company that decided to take a chance and hired me.

The Board of Recruitment Service Nigerian Liquefied Natural Gas (NLNG) expressed their congratulations that my application had been accepted, I had passed the screening process and they included an employment contract for me to sign. However, I will need to apply and pay for the necessary work permits with the Nigerian Immigration Service. They even provided a name and phone number of a person in their HR department who can streamline the process.

I can hardly wait to start my new career with them. I know I will quickly climbing the corporate ladder at this company. Because I will be the only person who knows how to use a SPELL CHECKER!

Snowing Once Again

There was a brand new foot of snow on the ground this morning. It was a kick in the gut. But the next kick was a little lower. Underneath that white mess was an inch of ice from the freezing rain the day before. My truck looked like a glacier after I brushed off the snow. I chipped away at the ice to gain access to my drivers’ side lock only to discover it was frozen solid. I had no way to get into my truck to warm it. I had to walk ½ mile down to the closest gas station (not to worry Travis, it was not a Citgo) only to discover they were out of ‘Lock De-Icer’. Seems they had a run on it that very morning.

After demonstrating to the clerk a good old Florida greeting, my solution was to buy a ‘Bic Lighter’, slog back to my ice coated truck and spend 20 minutes heating my car key then inserting it in the lock. I let out a triumphant chuckle when the lock finally released, but that sound quickly turned into insane babbling when I realized the door was unlocked, but still frozen shut!

I was still chipping, pulling, cussing and pounding when my neighbor walked by smiled and asked me if I was aware that Monday was the first day of Spring. Without waiting for an answer, she got into her “remotely started” pre-warmed car and pulled away.

Hanging from the side of my car like Spiderman, hands on the door handle, feet leveraged on the side quarter panel, I started screaming!

Do you think Jim and Phyllis would notice if I showed up for coffee one morning pretending like I had never left?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm !

Trip Home from Florida

I almost spent another night in Atlanta. Airtran overbooked the flight and ask for volunteers to give up their seats. The reward was two free round trip tickets anywhere in the continental USA and a night’s stay at the Airport Marriott. I, being a generous humanitarian, bolted toward the desk screaming “ME ME PICK ME!”.

As I hurdled over waiting travelers, evaded overstuffed carry-on bags and pushed through impatient passengers, I spotted a large object moving at a high rate of speed out the corner of my eye. “Corner of my eye” is a bad description, “total eclipse of the sun” is a better depiction. I remember seeing this woman riding on the back of a leaning cart down Concourse D and praying she wasn’t on my flight. Not only was she a fellow passenger, we had our sights set on the same prize. Damn she was quick!

I increased my now unreasonable dash to the desk when a small child sucking on a juice box stepped in front of me, slowing me down just enough for Moby Dick to gain a half second advantage. That is all it took.

I rocked back and forth on my tiptoes trying to get the attendant’s attention, realizing I had to climb Mt McKinley before attaining that goal. The damage was done. As the sun reappeared and I stepped up to the ticket counter, the attendant looked up at me over his reading glasses, slowly moving his head from right to left. “Thank you for volunteering, but we have met our needs and do not need any more seats.”

I was crushed, 2 round trip tickets! GONE! I sighed (or sobbed, it was hard to tell), turned to reclaim my place at the end of the long boarding line and heard the attendant add, “There is a bright side. She was seated next to you on the plane.”

It did make the 2 hour plane ride little easier as the child with the juice box, whom got the seat next to me, howled in my ear most of the flight. His mother had no more juice after he spilled the first one, IN MY LAP!

I am already wishing I was back in Florida. I cracked open a beer tonight and instantly felt melancholy. Didn’t stop me from drinking it, but I would have enjoyed it more on the boat in the company of you guys.

THANK YOU, Jim and Phyllis for having us. Jim, it gets better and better every year. The first day's sail this year was AWESOME!!!!! I find myself planning for this trip earlier each year. Hell, this year I will probably start planning for March 2013 six months before I book March 2012.

SNOW AGAIN

OK, enough is enough. I woke up this morning to find an inch of snow on my truck. There was no warning, no sound of the Bobcat roaring around the parking lot , it was just, THERE!

It is hard to explain the irritation of brushing snow off your vehicle. You start at the drivers’ side using gloveless hands to clear a path to the door. The reason for the exposed paws, my gloves and snowbrush are inside the truck. Once the door is open, you must warm up your hands. I use the preferred Minnesota method of crossing the arms, sticking the hands in your armpits and hopping in place. I call it the “Morning Dance”. An out-of-state driver will see this and guess it is people impatiently waiting for a bus. No, it is only the beginning of a series of exercises to get you to work.

The next objective is to start your car. Sounds easy, doesn’t it. Well, it isn’t. You jump into the car and quickly slip on you gloves. It is important to keep them warm for upcoming tasks in this tiring ritual. Then you begin probing your pockets for the car keys and realize the gloves are hampering the effort. This leads to your first difficult question of the day. “Do I pull off the gloves, re-exposing the nearly frozen hands to the cold or not?”

Not a whole lot of options here. I usually start loudly damning an unnamed supreme being (thank you for the prays of absolution) and yank off one glove. I stuff the exposed hand in the pocket, predetermined earlier by a clumsy groping, and retrieve the cold keys.

Experience has taught me to keep the mitten off until you have started your vehicle. My truck complains briefly, then comes to life with a determined growl. I stuff my hand back into the glove, grab the snowbrush and jump out of the truck. It is all downhill now, but that hill is covered with ice.

I jumped out of my truck gripping the snow brush like a sword. I begin to swiped across the windshield but the wipers countered and with a simple swipe blasted snow into my face. My reaction was slow, but I was able to turned off the wipers. I then cautiously approached from the passenger side to finish the job. But I had switched the wipers to delay and the lifted right side wiper hit me in the nose as I stretched to wipe off the snow on that side. I am not a religious man, but people watching me may have thought so, I let loose with a few damnations of God and his family.  

Finally, My truck was warm and the snow wiped from it. I sat in the drivers’ seat relishing the warm and knowing I would be on time to my job. I step down on the accelerator to listen and see the rpms rise then started to slip into reverse when there was a knock at my window. I rolled it down and stared up at my neighbor standing at my car door.

“Isn’t this beautiful?” she says, “I love these type of mornings.”

All my anger dissolves. She saw this as a wonder, I as a curse. I am still learning in this frozen tundra. THANK GOD!

 

IT JUST STOP SNOWING

I woke up this morning, had a hot coffee and stared at the newly formed snowdrift hindering the view out my window. After one more cup I tossed on my coat and grabbed a broom with the intent to poke at piles of snow in search of my truck.   I didn’t have the fancy remote starter on my vehicle, so I avoided the snowdrifts making noise, found the most likely spot and started tunneling my way into the icy mountain. I took me 10 minutes to clear the drivers’ side, 20 seconds to realize it wasn’t my car and 30 minutes to burrow to the correct vehicle.

As I finished clearing off my truck, a snowflake slowly drifted down and landed on my nose. I looked up and realized it wasn’t alone. It was snowing again. Mother Nature doesn’t have a sense of humor, she is sadistic.

I mumbled a few choice words, turned off my truck and slowly made my way past cars that were once mounds of snow to get inside where it was warm. Entering the building, I held the door for a lady who stepped outside and said, “Looks like some nice person clear my drivers’ side, Thank you.”

A car pulled up and the passenger door swung open as she stepped to it. Before hopping in, she look back at me and said, “Too bad I am not the car pool today. You can finish the job later after you warm up.”

I watched the car-load of women slowly navigate out of the parking lot and swear to God, the sound of laughter came from the vehicle as it disappeared into the swirling snow.

It’s almost 6 o’clock and STILL SNOWING!!!!
 
Occasionally, I have returned to my truck to brush off the accumulating snow. Making sure that the icy collection ends up on the car next to me. I hope tomorrow is her turn for carpooling.


 

Winter is Back

Thursday, it was a toasty 40 degrees with the anticipation of 50 degrees in the immediate future. The next day the thermometer climbed up to a clammy 57 degrees. The weather people kept telling us records would have been broken if not for the melting snow cooling the air. We lost a lot of the snow cover and I could look out my window, over the vanishing snow banks and see the parking lot. Minnesotans were excited and outfitted in their Bermuda shirts, summer shorts and snow shoes. Spring was peeking around the corner!

Then something happened.

This morning, at 9am, it started snowing and snowing and snowing, it hasn’t stopped yet (10pm). The wind is gusting at 20 mph and creating a whiteout. I can no longer see the parking lot and not because of the blizzard. The previous retreating snowdrifts have crawled back to my window blocking the dull view. My poor truck is once more, one of many small mountains of snow rising up in the white landscape. The excessively jolly meteorologists are predicting 12 to 18 inches by tomorrow, THEN more snow Tuesday. It is a heavy snow, whatever that means. And what the HELL is thunder snow?

I am also hearing the familiar rumble of the Bobcat Loader in the parking lot, desperately trying to keep up with the rising snow. Behind the wheel is Jason,   the Bill Murray character out of Caddyshack. Whipping around the lot at breakneck speeds, creating bigger drifts and cussing when the Bobcat blade rips out another rising chunk of the weather-beaten asphalt lot. Occasionally he will slow down and stop near the trash bins to refuel the abused Bobcat and himself.

Earlier this winter, I had the pleasure of meeting Jason during one of his refueling stops. The Bobcat runs on diesel, Jason on “ Evan Williams”.   He owns six Bobcat Loaders and does snow removal in the winter, some construction during the summer. It is a family business because his two sons and wife also run the Bobcats. He won the Minnesota Lottery several years ago, quit his job and bought the Bobcats. He only does certain jobs for his friends and usually waits for the summer so he can launch his 36’ “Dream Weaver” boat and switch to “Captain Morgan’s”.   The guy is having fun and I was envious. We sit there topping off our antifreeze, his definition not mine, and talk about boating. It seems that “Dream Weaver is his pride and joy and loves Lake Minnetonka during the summer months. I asked him why he doesn’t head to Florida or Arizona during the winter. He took a nip for his bourbon, looked at me and stated he doesn’t   know anyone down there, what was the fun. He was born and raised in Mound/Spring Park, MN with no desire to change. His friends and family were here.

Now I am one of his friends with an invitation to spent a weekend (maybe two) on the “Dream Weaver” . I plan to introduce Jason to Bushmill and spend many weekends on the boat.

3 MORE WEEKS TIL FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!